Growing up with expectations, misunderstandings and stigma

I grew up as the overachieving eldest daughter in a middle-class family. In my family, achievements were defined entirely by academic success. The expectations from my parents were notonly for me, but also for my younger siblings. Like many families, they also wanted their children to stand out as successful compared to others.

This belief was changed when my youngest brother began to face consistent difficulties in his studies. What we initially misunderstood as laziness turned out to be something far more complex and far more important to understand: Neurodiversity. 

In many cultures, including my own, conversations about mental health and learning differences are still surrounded by stigma. When my brother started to struggle with academics, the immediate reaction - even from me - was to label him as careless or inattentive. We lacked the awareness to understand that his brain simply processed information differently.  

Recognizing neurodiversity

I was a psychology student all through this journey, and I began to recognize that something deeper was happening. I encouraged my family to explore professional guidance, and we visited a counselling psychologist who helped us navigate the process. Through the required assessments which helped us identify that my brother had a Specific Learning Disability. 

That moment changed our entire understanding of his academic struggles.  

The beginning of the emotional journey

The journey had just started; the emotional support he needed was an important part of the process. He bottled up his emotions, began to feel like a failure, believing he could not achieve anything because something was ‘wrong’ with his brain. He was very young at the time. It was difficult to help him make sense of everything happening around him. One thing I did was to support him and never make him feel like he is alone in this.  

Navigating systems and institutional barriers

In India, government provides PwD quota, stands for people with disability to support them in everywhere including education and employability. To prove that you need to provide medical papers and a letter of counsellor declaring that an individual has more than 40% disability. All this process was emotionally draining yet important to pass him in his exams. 

If you provide a UDID-Unique Disability ID to prove your disability, schools must give them an extra hour in exam, and the passing mark criteria also changes for them. When I first went to his school to meet his director, his reaction was really shocking because at that time, there was nobody who studied in that school and had conditions like this. The director insisted that I withdraw his admission and place him in a special school - something I knew was unnecessary. I did everything I could and eventually they agreed to make the necessary changes. 

Emotional challenges

Throughout this process, my brother was somehow not able to accept the condition. He became so silent and confused.

There was a time when I used to sit and talk with my brother and my parents to make them understand all this in simple and compassionate way and I feel proud about it. If I did not study psychology, if I did not explore much, if I was not curious enough to have answers, my brother was still misunderstood.  

Rebuilding confidence and looking ahead

He has now completed his board exams (10th standard) and is now enjoying his vacation. He has a natural talent for working with machines. He wants to become a mechanical engineer one day and my parents are there to support him. I am not sure what future holds for him, but he is a diligent worker of his own kind. He remembers things vividly and has one of the kindest, most honest hearts I have ever known. 

If you know a child who is struggling, look beyond the surface. Sometimes the quietest battles are the hardest to see. 

What is specific learning disorder (SLD)? 

To help readers understand what my brother was diagnosed with, here is a brief explanation of Specific Learning Disorder (SLD). 

Specific Learning Disorder (SLD) is a neurodevelopmental condition that affects areas such as reading, writing, mathematics and processing.  

Some common characteristics of SLD: 

• Memory difficulties. 

• Organizational difficulties. 

• Writing difficulties. 

• Visual processing difficulties. 

• Reading difficulties. 

• Auditory processing difficulties. 

• Time management difficulties. 

• Sensory distraction: an inability to screen out extraneous visual or auditory stimuli. 

• Sensory overload: a heightened sensitivity to visual stimuli and sound; an inability to cope with busy environments. 

References 

1. British Dyslexia Association. (n.d.). What is dyslexia? 

2. Department of Empowerment of Persons with Disabilities. (n.d.). Unique Disability ID (UDID) project. 

3. Government of India. (2016). The Rights of Persons with Disabilities Act, 2016. 

4. Ministry of Education. (n.d.). Guidelines for conducting examinations for students with disabilities.